Donald Trump is destroying America with every passing second, and you have the gall to check out these awesome surfing GIFs? How dare you?
Our country is under attack by Colluder-In-Chief Donald “Treason” Trump, so the #Resistance needs you to stay focused on impeachment and not get distracted by these wicked-cool surfing GIFs. There’s no time to watch mind-blowing clips of amazing surfboard stunts like this while Drumpf is dismantling our freedoms piece by piece. Close this window immediately and get back to the fight.
Shame on you for scrolling down. As you fritter away precious minutes admiring these totally radical surfing GIFs, Fake Presi-don’t #NotMyPresident Dronaldf Trumpf #FictionalPOTUS is using his tiny hands to sign evil executive orders that are hurting innocent people around the world. Sure, it’s tempting to look at this badass surfer ride the Big Kahuna off the coast of Oahu, but if you wasted even one second looking at this amazing GIF then you’re directly responsible for the vulnerable immigrants imprisoned at the Mexican border.
Surfing may be tubular, but you know what isn’t tubular? Plotting with Russia to hack our democracy with a computer virus and cheating Nasty Woman Hillary (Nasty = Brave) #TheNotoriousHRC out of her presidency that she deserved #ShePresidentsisted. Members of the #Resistance, we are at war with the United States and cannot tarry needlessly watching this surfer perform a flawless vertical backhand snap until Putin’s Puppet (Donald John DUMP [Trump/Drumpf]) is forcibly removed from the White House #MuellerTime #HowIMetYourMueller #FerrisMuellersDayOffToImpeachTrump.
Your complicity grows deeper with every surfing GIF you view. As you sit idle, gawking at this savage wipeout, Adolf Trumpler is taking advantage of your inaction by literally burning the Constitution to get rid of the emoluments clause (holy rule banning Trump hotel) and lusting to do incest on his beautiful daughter Ivanka #HornyForDaughter #JealousOfJared #SheWentToJared. This is your final chance to do the right thing, turn away from these radical off-the-hook surfing GIFs, and rejoin the battle against the orange tyrant.
You monsters. You’re either with the #Resistance or against us, and by watching these amazing surfers you’ve revealed yourself as a traitor to our cause. The Russian oligarch who bought you the computer you’re using to look at surfing GIFs won’t be able to save you from our righteous fury. The blue wave of vengeance coming to destroy you will make the gnarly wave this surfer is riding seem as small as Drumpler’s tiny hands by comparison. As soon as Mueller is done impeaching Trimpus, we’re going to unleash his legal powers on you to get you impeached also. Your surfboard-loving ass is going to prison, you #MAGAmoron. Enjoy saying “cowabunga” while you still can.